Making the choice to start couples counseling is a really big step. After all, this person with whom you are struggling is one of the most important in your life. So, people often wonder, “When is the right time to start couples counseling?”

Some of the signs that you and your mate could potentially benefit from seeing a couples therapist are:

• There is emotional distance in the relationship or connectedness is deeply diminished.
• Negative patterns of disconnection have become frequent.
• More of the focus is on the negatives than on the positives of the relationship.
• Physical intimacy is a problem for one or both partners.
• There are trust or commitment issues.
• There has been a major stressor on the relationship that is changing the connection with each other (e.g., infidelity, financial strain, trauma, life transition, and/or family change).

Attitude is everything

Couples counseling can help, yet one critical factor in the effectiveness of couples counseling is your attitude about the therapy and whether you both are ready to change.  Taking responsibility for your share of the problems in the relationship is an important first step towards reconnecting and finding effective solutions to whatever challenges come your way. 

While in couples counseling you will learn about yourself and your relationship. The insight you gain into the “why” you do the things you do, either as an individual or as a couple, will give you the ability to make new choices or to think about things differently than you have in the past. So, don’t come to counseling expecting to change your mate. Sure, he or she may change; but set your expectations, instead, on being determined to learn more about how you contribute to the problems in the relationship. Also, be willing to learn what you need to know about why the disconnection is happening and what the alternate options are that can help you both get the kind of comfort and understanding you want in the relationship.

Don't wait until your relationship is at a breaking point 

Remember, couples should seek counseling long before they’re in crisis mode; so it is prudent to take preventive measures to maintain the health of your relationship when there are early signs that something is off. Don’t wait until your relationship is at a breaking point because there is no shame in seeking the help of a therapist, especially if it will save your relationship down the line. 

If you are experiencing one or more of the above signs or simply have a desire to maintain your healthy connection, couples counseling is available at Bereiter Counseling Center. To take the initial step, contact us at 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.

By Sharon Exum