“I want you to know how I feel!”

Knowing your feelings is one thing, and how to express them is another. While both can be challenging, many struggle significantly with the latter. Placing too little value on themselves, some people ignore how they feel (passivity). Others end up being angry or violent while conveying their emotions (aggression). Assertiveness is the middle ground between these two extremes. Assertiveness is a person’s ability to communicate their thoughts, needs, wants, opinions, emotions, and beliefs appropriately and effectively without discomfort or hostility. An assertive person knows how to express his feelings, ask for what she wants, or say no to something she doesn't want. 

How to be assertive

1. Respect yourself. Become aware of your feelings, needs, and wants. These are as important as anyone else’s, and it’s OK to express them respectfully to others.
2. Clearly state your needs and wants in an appropriate speaking volume and steady voice. Express your emotions and opinions calmly. For example, say “No” when you need to. 
3. Make eye contact and use confident body language, listen to what the other person is saying without interrupting the person.
4. Plan what you are going to say (writing it out) or rehearse (role-playing) if you need to.

You have the right to express all your feelings, positive or negative. However, it takes a lot of self-awareness to be assertive, which may require some in-depth work. Visit Bareitercc.com to learn more or call 704-334-0524 to make an appointment today.