We all experience grief at some time or another in our lives.   We can experience grief from any loss in our lives;  from death of a loved one, loss of a job, an illness or declining physical or mental health, or loss of certain hopes and dreams.  It can also occur after major life changes, such as retirement, separation or divorce, or moving.   Grief is a normal process.  But oftentimes we don’t know how to grieve in healthy ways because we are not taught how to.   When we allow grief to fester and build, it can effect us negatively both physically and mentally.     But over time, with healthy coping skills, we can move through our grief and let go of the burdens that we carry from it.  

It can be helpful to understand that the grief that we experience often come in stages (Introduced by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross)   These stages are not always linear, so we may experience one and move back to another one that we've felt before.  

The stages of grief include:

1. Denial, confusion or shock- these are very normal feelings which often protect us from feeling the immensity of the loss.
2. Bargaining - this stage is often felt by continual feelings of what you could have done to prevent the loss in your life. 
3. Depression- this stage often occurs when the reality of the loss has set in.
4. Anger- these feelings often come up because we feel helpless that the event has happened in our lives.  We may have feelings of abandonment that lead to our anger.   
5. Acceptance- When we get to a point where the pain is less and we believe that we will be alright. 

Healthy Ways to Cope With and Move Past Grief

1. Acknowledge all of your feelings that come up.  Journal these feelings or talk with loved ones about them.   Expressing your feelings and allowing yourself to cry is an important part of the process.   

2.  Understand that grieving is a process that takes time.   There is no set time for how long it takes.  Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace. 

3.  Practice self care.   Go for walks, get out in nature, take a bath or go to a spa, read a book, and eat nutritiously.   

4. Professional counseling is one of the most effective ways to overcome your grief.   Counseling does not “cure” your grief.  Rather, it provides coping strategies to help you manage your grief in healthy ways.  You may choose individual or family counseling, a support group or a combination of the three to help you cope with your unresolved grief. 

At Bareiter Counseling Center, I work with individuals, ages twelve and older, and families who are experiencing varying degrees of grief and loss.  To learn more about grief counseling and how it can help you, please contact 704-334-0524. 

Melissa Fabeny