• Do you want to connect? 
• As much as you can, let them come to you. Questions can often overwhelm kids and teens, and you may get more one-word answers than thoughtful responses. (Rapid fire questions often have this effect.) 
• Instead, if you are curious about their social lives or what they are learning at school, give them time to come to you when they are ready. 
• Then, make observations and ask thoughtful questions based on their disclosure.
• In the meantime, being observant of their feelings and behaviors shows them that you are leaving the door open for these conversations. (*Planning a fun outing to their favorite restaurant or a fun activity is a great door opener for dialogue, as well.) 
• 
  Are you concerned about behavior?
•  Find a calm moment without distractions (giving yourself time to think about responding rather than reacting). 
• Make observations about the behavior and let them know you are concerned and ask about their experience.
• Seek to understand what has happened and what they need. If it was a personal offense, let your teenager know how their actions impacted you. 
• If you need to set a new limit or issue a consequence, you can include them in this conversation to focus on a fair solution for you both.
• Being consistent in both establishing boundaries and consequences will naturally build trust.
• Leading in this way allows you to maintain structure and model healthy conflict resolution strategies for your teenager. 

Teen Counseling and Parent Counseling avaiable at Bareiter Counseling Center.