Charlotte Couples Therapist Shares About Effects of Stress on Romantic Relationships

Stress is an unavoidable common experience of life and can affect the quality of your romantic relationship. Stress can come from many sources, including job pressures, parenting, financial worries, family illnesses, and family-of-origin problems. Stressors such as these can interfere with how you connect with your partner, especially if, as a result, you become more withdrawn, distracted, and less affectionate or if you project onto your partner by being more easily angered, pessimistic or impatient. Poorly handling stress can create even more stress.

If you recognize that stress is affecting your relationship, here are a few tips you can try to improve things with your partner.

• Identify the cause of your stress. Try to make a conscious effort to determine what the stressor is. You can’t deal with it until you have identified it.
• Talk with your partner about it. It’s essential that they understand what’s going on. Since a secure romantic relationship provides accessibility, engagement, and responsiveness, sharing with your partner may help you deal with your stress and allow them to think of ways to keep from adding to it. Communicating with our partners keeps them from feeling lonely, builds trust, and shows commitment. 
• Work together as a team to find creative solutions. Your partner can give you a different point of view, and together you can brainstorm to see if you can come up with ways to alleviate some of your stress or find ways to effectively prevent it from hurting your relationship. Recognize that not every stressor has a solution, but talking about it and sharing your feelings can help you manage it.
• Stay connected during a stressful period. Make time to enjoy each other and share positive experiences as a couple. Staying connected and having a supportive partner to see you through stressful times strengthens your relationship. Turning away from your partner or being silent during stressful events can lead to feelings of rejection, which can drive the two of you apart.
• Maintain intimacy. Emotional intimacy is essential during stressful times. Being open and honest gives your partner a chance to support you. You might tend to avoid physical intimacy with your partner during stressful times because you are too tired or emotionally drained. However, being physically intimate can help relieve tension and anxiety.
• Maintain good self-care. While a good night’s sleep, exercise, and healthy eating won’t make the stressor disappear, you’ll feel better able to cope with the stress.
• Participate in relaxing, calming activities. These types of activities can help you deal with your stress better. They include listening to relaxing music, getting out in nature, journaling, yoga, meditating, being creative, and reading. Try something new if your current relaxation methods aren’t working. Better yet, invite your partner to join you in these activities.



Learning to manage stress in healthy and productive ways can help you navigate stressful times and reduce their impact on your relationship.

If you’ve tried to reduce the effects of stress on you and your relationship and nothing has improved, consider that it may be time to seek help from a mental health counselor who is skilled in stress management or a couple’s counselor who can help you and your partner manage the impacts that the stress is having on your relationship.

By Sharon Exum