In order for us to be truly connected with others and to be able to love and be loved, it is important that we can be vulnerable with others.    Being vulnerable can be challenging, at is can allow us to feel exposed and more likely to get hurt or disappointed.   However, it is crucial to develop an ability to be vulnerable, especially in our close relationships.   

Understanding Vulnerability 

Whenever you put yourself in a situation where you do don’t have control or you try something new, you are being vulnerable.  This involves exposing yourself, taking risks, and being uncertain.    Sometimes vulnerability feels like weakness, because taking risks and emotionally exposing ourselves can lead to feelings of embarrassment or shame.  But being vulnerable is not a weakness.   It requires strength, courage and bravery to really put ourselves our there.   

Benefits of Vulnerability 

• Builds authentic connections with others
• Can lead to effective communication 
• Builds trust and empathy
• Can lead to greater sense of creativity 
• Can lead to personal growth

We can learn to be vulnerable in many areas of our lives.  This includes in our personal relationships, including family, friends, and intimate partners.     We can also learn go be more vulnerable in our work or school setting or in our community.   

Ways to Become More Vulnerable 

• Get to know your self in an authentic way.  It is important that welearn to love ourselves and embrace who we really are. This can be very difficult, as it involves accepting all parts of us, even the parts of us that feel unlovable or unworthy.  This also means accepting and forgiving ourselves for the mistakes that we have made in the past.   
• Share your true feelings with others.   It is important to let others know your authentic and true self.   You can start by sharing smaller or more insignificant details and eventually share more.   Of course, you will want to do so in a way that is respectful. 
• Heal emotional wounds from the past.   When we fear being vulnerable, it is generally because we fear abandonment or rejection.   Oftentimes, this is rooted in past experiences where we have experienced loss, rejection or abandonment.   It can be very beneficial to meet with a therapist who can help you to heal these attachment wounds, so that you can be more open to being truly vulnerable with others.   

At Bareiter Counseling Center, I work with individuals, ages twelve and older, and families.   Exploring attachment wounds using Internal Family Systems, Family Systems, and Attachment Theory can all be helpful ways to find healing.   This can be done in individual or family therapy.   If to learn more about this and how I can help you, please contact 704-334-0524.

Melissa Mosca Fabeny

MA, LCMHC

Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor