Parenting from the Self: The 8 C’s of IFS
Parenting is not for the faint of heart
Parenting is not for the faint of heart, and (unfortunately) it does not come with a pretty and concise protocol or manual.
Parenting is messy and beautiful at the same time; it requires self-reflection, self-trust, vulnerability, flexibility, and repair. The opportunity to parent your child how your inner child wants to be heard, seen, understood, and cared for can be such a gift.
In the Internal Family Systems model by Richard Schwartz, a system of protective and wounded inner parts are in all of us, led by a core Self. The belief is that Self is in everyone, and it knows how to heal. All of our parts are kind of like a family (sometimes dysfunctional and sometimes collaborative) inside of us.
Practicing mindfulness around parenting from the 8 C’s of Self will contribute to your healing while strengthening you and your child’s relationship. Think of it as a “trickle-down effect!”
The 8 C’s in IFS are compassion, curiosity, clarity, creativity, calm, confidence, courage, and connectedness.
Imagine what it would be like to slow down and walk in nature with your child, get lost in a project of paints and art supplies together, sit across from them and take deep breaths. At the same time, if they are upset, provide clear and kind boundaries or have them witness you do something challenging and necessary.
Think about what each “C” means to you and how you can implement more of them daily. Most importantly, thank all your parts and your inner child for helping you get here and do this work.
