After bringing up the idea of boundaries, someone said, “Why would we talk about boundaries?

We aren’t cattle!” While of course we are not animals needing to be contained by a physical

fence, we are living beings with values, experiences, and preferences. As part of the human

experience, every one of us has automatic dignity – you matter. Boundaries are simply the

property lines that define who you are and who you are not. Only you can determine what

those are specifically for you.

A great way to start naming what your boundaries are is to pay attention to your inner world.

What makes you feel uncomfortable? What makes you feel good? Increasing your self-

awareness in this area through journaling, meditation, prayer, and reading can be helpful in

sorting out what matters to you. Making a priorities list may be part of this process as well – is

there an area that you feel requires your attention first? Sometimes it is also helpful to look

back so that you can make appropriate boundaries for yourself moving forward. If something

hasn’t worked in the past, it is likely not going to work in the future. We can ask ourselves

where we feel like we are compromising our values.

As you think through these questions, consider these boundary areas: skin, words, geographical

distance, time, emotional, consequences. Is there a voice you feel like you need to have in any

of these spaces?

For further study, check out Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s book, “Boundaries:

When to Say Yes and How to Say No” (1992).

By Sarah Laneve

MA, LCMHCA